Divorce isn’t always inevitable, but it has become more common over the past century than at any other time in history. Statistics show that divorce rates swing back and forth between 45 and 55 percent for first-time marriage partners, and the pendulum appears to have settled there. If you are one of those men going through a divorce, here are a few things you should know.
Turning the World Upside Down
You may believe you know the person you were married to for all those years, but when it comes to a war over personal possessions and children, you may not recognize your adversary. Be prepared for the “we” you used to focus on to suddenly change into a “me” adversarial process with your spouse that can sometimes become bitter and change you both into people you barely recognize. Turn to divorce specialists like Cordell & Cordell that can help support and protect your rights during a messy split.
Feelings Unexpectedly Take Over
Women initiate most of the divorces that occur, and if your divorce has blindsided you, remember it is alright to be upset. Even though your world view of yourself may hinge on being strong and enduring the pain by hiding the agony beneath substances or frivolities, be careful you don’t overdo it. Divorce can cause depression and sadness that sometimes leads to a serious downward spiral of self-hatred and suicidal tendencies because your world view of yourself has suddenly broken apart. Expect the pain of loss because it is inevitable. Forget the stoicism and allow yourself to hurt. Permitting the pain to surface is the only way you can heal from the agony of a loss this great.
Manning Up Is Suddenly Difficult
Throwing yourself into work, ignoring the pain, and finding new hobbies may be what you want to experience after the divorce begins, but if you have children, be careful you don’t abandon them. If your children are young, you will have to consciously choose to make appointments to see your little ones and to spend time with them unless you have physical control. For older children, it can be more difficult to remember to call them and keep them in your life as you deal with all the sudden mental, emotional, and financial changes you may be experiencing for the first time. Your team of Cordell & Cordell professionals will probably remind you that no matter how old your child is, he or she is going through the divorce, too, so stay in contact and help him or her throughout the process.
Loneliness Is Quickly Normal
Divorce is about more than separating from someone you lived with for all those years. It is about learning you are alone again, and that loneliness can be intense enough to cause you physical pain – that is probably where the phrase about being lonely enough to die came from. Although you may want to party hard to fill the void, remember that action may not be the best option in the long term, especially if you have small children. Instead of sinking into depression over the loneliness, contact old friends, develop new hobbies, plan activities with your children, and travel to exotic locations. The world is filled with new possibilities if you take the time to look.
Divorce can be the most painful experience you may ever have to encounter, but as with all painful experiences, when you come out on the other side, you can be a stronger person. The trick is to take the experience one day at a time and deal with what comes your way. Most importantly, remember that you are going to be okay at the end of the battle – no matter what.
It seems to me that the male perspective is the same as the female perspective. Women would feel all these things.
I am happily married and have never been gone through a divorce (thank God). However, I understand from my friends that have, that it is a real heart breaker. Thank you for sharing this from a Male perspective.