This is How You Can Prevent Relationship Problems

A new romantic relationship is one of the most exciting feelings in the world. You feel like you are floating in cloud nine and the two of you can’t get enough of each other. This is what we call the honeymoon phase.

However, that phase ends because let’s face it, its all a phase! Eventually, you start to notice small things about the other person that don’t please you. As the relationship continues to grow, you run into arguments, disagreement, and you even start to hurt each other intentionally and sometimes unintentionally.

Despite all that there are long-term couples who have managed to stay happy despite all the challenges that tend to crop up as the relationship grows. There are women who gladly make their boyfriends breakfast despite having an argument, and boyfriends who still have sweet things to say to their girlfriend. Here are some of the tips happy couples use to maintain happy relationships and prevent relationship problems.

Create a Safe Place for Each Other to Cultivate a Healthy Connection

Our fear of getting hurt makes us prone to being defensive. That is why whenever your partner points out something about you that makes them unhappy you feel hurt about that. You may even feel the need to defend and protect yourself, which leads to behaviors such as keeping secrets, shutting your partner out, and becoming inauthentic.

You should create a safe place to have conversations with your partner without the need to be defensive. This will allow the two of you to safely share sensitive things without any condemnation or judgement. His will create ground for a genuine connection.

In times of conflict, remind your partner that you are on the same side. This allows your partner to trust you and frames the conversation for a more collaboratively venture where you both figure out how you can solve the problem instead of trying to prove who is right or wrong. This allows the both of you to put your walls down.

Avoid asking “Why” questions because they will automatically make a person want to be defensive. Instead, ask “What Happened”. You should also pay attention to some of the non-verbal languages that possibly prevent your partner from feeling safe about sharing stuff with you.

When talking, you should avoid being distracted, crossing your arms, or scowling. You need to relax your body, giving them undivided attention, and maintain eye contact.

When Speaking with Each Other, Name Your Emotions

This sounds simple, yet it’s surprising how many people don’t do this. It is very important for you and your partner to put words into your feelings and emotions. You need to tell the story behind your emotions because even though they can hear about your feelings, they may not be able to fully understand what you are going through.

Your stories allow people to feel what you feel. When you’ve had a bad day and you honestly recount the events that led o that, or when someone was rude to you, your partner will be able to feel what you felt. This will also give you a deeper understanding of why you feel the way you do, hence giving you more control and the urge to resolve it.

During Conflicts, Engage in Both Actions and Emotions

In most relationships, the most common occurrence is where one partner wants to solve a conflict by giving solutions while he other might just want to just be comforted because of what they are feeling.

When it comes to relationships, partners tend to focus on half the story when it comes to conflict resolution and that’s where the struggle is. There is a part of the brain that feels emotions and another part that helps you use logical thinking and reason.

The thinking part of the brain shuts down when the person is caught up in the emotional brain. Because of this, conflict resolution skills such as logical reasoning, critical thinking, and empathy are turned off temporarily.

When experiencing intense emotions, its hard to listen to solutions or reason being thrown at you. To resolve difficult issues with your partner, you need to connect with their emotional state first, calm them down and allow them to reactivate their thinking part of the brain. You will be able to be on the same wavelength and in a much better to come up with effective solutions together.

Avoid Dominating the Relationship

One way to develop an unhealthy relationship is by trying to control your partner by demanding things from them. This restricts them from being themselves around you. Because they are afraid of upsetting you, they will feel like they are walking on eggshells.

Feelings of anxiety and insecurities is what attributes to controlling behavior, and it is crucial to navigate and investigate the root of the problem. Try and encourage conversations instead of trying to tell hem how they should do things.

Even if you are partners, you both have boundaries and you should respect that. No one likes to be told how to do this. However, everyone likes a helping hand and that’s what you should be offering.

Find Out the Implicit Memories that Result to Unhealthy Behaviors

You have two types of memories. The explicit memories are the information and events that you consciously remember and the implicit memories are those that you can feel and experience.

You remember the first time you learnt to ride a bike because of your explicit memories. However, when you are able to ride a bike years after you first rode one, that’s the implicit memories kicking in.

Implicit memories are also the reason why we engage in unhealthy behaviors because they make us react to certain things in unhealthy ways. You could be hurting your relationship because of the implicit memories of your past experiences.

Identifying and understanding your implicit memories will allow you to make sense of some of the behaviors you exhibit towards your partner and try to change it into a positive one.

Conclusion

If you want the best kind of relationship, you have to build one, they don’t just happen. You have to put in hard work, courage, and authenticity. Cultivate an environment where you and your partner can have better connection even through difficult times.