Seven years ago my great uncle passed away suddenly. With his passing it fell upon my mother, myself and my husband to take care of my beloved auntie. My aunt and uncle were like grand parents to me since they helped my mother raise us as kids. His passing was extremely hard on my entire family.
After we got through that we all took turns taking care of my auntie. For the first 3 years she lived alone but with all of us coming in/out daily to help with her household and personal care needs. She didn’t drive so we had to do all of her grocery shopping, errands plus take her to medical appoints.
At the start of year four…she started to go downhill with some minor dementia problems and falling. Oh my gosh, I remember the first time we found her passed out on the floor…it was horrifying and so scary!
Over the next 8 months these incidences became more frequent and finally her family physician told us that a decision had to be made. She now was going to require 24 hours a day, 7 days a week care. He gave us a list of “assisted living facilities” in our area to consider.
We approached my auntie about all of this and let me tell you…the conversation did not go well. She was adamant that she wanted to stay in her own home and die there. Due to her financial situation…that was not possible and the three of us could NOT give her the medical care that she needed and deserved.
We sought out many different care options but did settle on an assisted living facility that was only 10 minutes away. This facility had a great reputation and came highly recommended.
The first thing I want to say to anyone who is considering this option is to make an appointment and go into the facility to look around. We went in and met with the staff, got a tour, sat down and talked to other residents who lived there (they were able to talk freely with visitors). We checked out their cleanliness, dining facilities – tasted food, walked up and down the halls and all kinds of other things. We were given free access to thoroughly check them out.
My auntie fought us tooth and nail in going into an assisted living facility. It was not easy and for awhile…she was pretty mad at all of us for it. Once she was in, we got her some counseling and she came to terms with her situation. This was one of the HARDEST things I ever had to deal with, both emotionally and physically.
I advise any family that is going through a situation like this to set up a family support system if you can. It was vital for us!
The next 2 1/2 years she lived in the assisted living facility went by pretty smoothly. We all took turns going in to be with her several times a week. Our family doesn’t believe in dumping loved ones off in facility and moving on with our lives. Nope, that doesn’t go on here! We spent tons and tons of time with her in there and to be frank with all of you…it is some of the best memories we have. It was precious time well spent with my Aunt Helen.
She finally passed this past March and it was extremely hard for me to deal with. I am sure some of our blog readers here remember my posts when that time finally came. It was hard and to this day…I think of her daily and at times…I shed some tears because I miss her dearly.
Have any of you ever had to make a decision like this for a loved one? If so, I would love to hear about it and any tips that you may have that we can share with our readers.
Disclosure: I am being compensated for my time for participating in a campaign by Global Influence.
I have not had to make a decision like this one, but did have my mother- in-law stay with us until she died of cancer and my mother stayed at home too. However, I think that it is a very hard decision to make, especially with the loved one often not wanting to move from what is familiar.
It’s alarming that more and more are having to make this decision for younger patients, ie, Alzheimer’s patients. I don’t think today’s generation is prepared for that at all and need to talk or tweet, in this case, about it.
Thank you for sharing your story. Your auntie was blessed to have a support system of people to help her in her last years. I have had friends who have gone through a similar situation. It isn’t easy to grow old, nor to be a caregiver and have to make difficult decisions.